When people are going through troubles, we tend to ask variations on a single, searching question: \u201cWhy is this happening to me?\u201d
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\nI get it. I\u2019ve been there. And I\u2019ve known so many people, including good friends and relatives, who have been hit with all manner of misfortune: cancer, death, work and money problems.<\/p>\n
Sometimes you have to ask that question, especially in cases of genuine trauma. If so, you should also consider professional help before you get too deep into that hole. But for troubles that fall short of trauma, it\u2019s usually best to reach for a different kind of question instead. The biggest lesson that I learned from turning things around after losing a star was this: The answers we get are often determined by the questions that we ask. This is my go-to question to start. It helps to reorient you to look for new possibilities in the midst of troubles.<\/p>\n This helps to drag you out of that notion that you\u2019re stuck. Maybe if you look at it from a \u201cnew beginning\u201d point of view, you can see something you missed.<\/p>\n This question (and the next two) help to lengthen your time horizon. You may not see the solution now, but how often has that been true before in your life? Over time, you tend to work things out.<\/p>\n Troubles often lead to changes in our lives. We change jobs, shift careers, reevaluate things. Maybe instead of asking \u201cwhy?\u201d here you should be asking \u201cwhat should come next?\u201d<\/p>\n This question adds an additional layer, and helps to really pull you out of your “stuck” mental space. It presupposes not only that you are going to get over this, but that you\u2019re going to learn from it\u2014and distill lessons for future generations<\/a>.<\/p>\n This question helps to reorient you spiritually. It can help to consider that, even if we don\u2019t quite get it yet, maybe God does.<\/p>\n This question helps to focus us on the blessings that can come from going through adversity. I\u2019ve experienced them in my own life. Plenty. I hope these questions can help you to see them, too.
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\nFor instance, not long after I became publisher of one of Thomas Nelson\u2019s book divisions, we lost a major author to a competing company. This had a significant negative impact on our bottom line, and my attitude. At first, I was angry. Then I became discouraged.
\nFinally, I realized that \u201cWhy is this happening to us?\u201d was not the right question to be asking. So instead, I started asking, \u201cHow can this make us better?\u201d
\nImmediately, my spirits perked up. The possibility began to energize me<\/a>, which rubbed off on the team.
\nIn hindsight, I can say that losing that particular author was one of the best things that could have happened to my division. We learned and grew<\/a> from the experience in ways that wouldn\u2019t have happened if the author had stuck with us.<\/p>\nAsk Better Questions<\/h3>\n
\nIf we ask bad questions for the situation, we\u2019re likely to get bad answers. But if we ask better questions\u2014empowering questions\u2014we might get better answers. I'm talking about answers that don\u2019t just reinforce the idea that we\u2019re stuck.
\nWith that in mind, here are my seven questions you can ask yourself when things head South:<\/p>\n1. What Does This Make Possible?<\/h4>\n
2. What If It's Not the End but a New Beginning?<\/h4>\n
3. What If the Answer Is Just over the Next Hill?<\/h4>\n
4. What If I Need This to Prepare Me for the Next Chapter?<\/h4>\n
5. What Will I Tell My Grandchildren About This?<\/h4>\n
6. What If God Knows Exactly What I Need?<\/h4>\n
7. What If God's Speaking to Me in These Troubles and Blessing Me?<\/h4>\n
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