{"id":9277,"date":"2016-02-12T04:00:13","date_gmt":"2016-02-12T10:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhyatt.com\/?p=9277"},"modified":"2016-02-12T04:00:13","modified_gmt":"2016-02-12T10:00:13","slug":"why-speaking-well-of-your-spouse-is-so-important","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/why-speaking-well-of-your-spouse-is-so-important\/","title":{"rendered":"Why You Should Speak Well of Your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As a leader, the health of your marriage directly affects the impact of your leadership. I have witnessed this time and time again. Being effective at work begins by being effective at home.<\/p>\n\n<p>Early in our marriage, Gail and I attended a church led by a dynamic, thirty-something pastor. He was an extraordinary communicator. He was a wise and empathetic counselor. As a result, the church grew rapidly.<\/p>\n<p>But as we got better acquainted with him and his wife, we started noticing a disturbing trend in the way they related to one another. They would often make disparaging remarks about the other in public.<\/p>\n\t\t<aside class=\"tweetable tweetalign_center\" style=\"width:100%\">\n\t\t\t<blockquote>\n\t\t\t\tAs a leader, the health of your marriage directly affects the impact of your leadership.<cite>Michael Hyatt<\/cite>\n\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\t\t\t<ul class=\"actions\">\n\t\t\t\t<li class=\"icon-arrow\"><a class=\"icon-twitter\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?source=tweetbutton&text=As%20a%20leader%2C%20the%20health%20of%20your%20marriage%20directly%20affects%20the%20impact%20of%20your%20leadership.%20https%3A%2F%2Ffullfocus.co%2F%3Fp%3D9277&via=michaelhyatt\" title=\"Share Quote on Twitter\" target=\"_blank\">Tweet<span> Quote<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/aside>\n<p>At first, it seemed cute. Their comments seemed playful and humorous. Everyone laughed. But over time, they became more and more pointed, thinly masking their frustration with one another.<\/p>\n<p>We ultimately left that church. We later learned they suffered an ugly divorce, both admitting to multiple affairs. They lost their family and their ministry. To this day, it grieves me to think about it.<\/p>\n\n<p>Conversely, I noticed that Sam Moore, my predecessor at Thomas Nelson, always spoke highly of his wife. He would often say, \u201cI hate to leave her in the morning, and I can\u2019t wait to see her in the evening.\u201d Last time Gail and I were with them, they were holding hands. It was obvious they were still in love.<\/p>\n<p>In reflecting on these two experiences, I am convinced that praising your spouse in public is one of the most important investments you can make\u2014in your family and in your leadership.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-32042\" src=\"https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/iStock_000058478490_Medium.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1696\" height=\"1132\" srcset=\"https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/iStock_000058478490_Medium.jpg 1696w, https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/iStock_000058478490_Medium-600x400.jpg 600w, https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/iStock_000058478490_Medium-1400x934.jpg 1400w, https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/iStock_000058478490_Medium-768x513.jpg 768w, https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/iStock_000058478490_Medium-1536x1025.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/iStock_000058478490_Medium-1200x800.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1696px) 100vw, 1696px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>This is important for at least five reasons:<\/p>\n<h3>1. You get more of what you affirm<\/h3>\n<p>Have you ever noticed that when someone praises you, you want to repeat the behavior that caused it? This is just human nature. It can be a form of manipulation if it isn\u2019t genuine. But it can be a powerful way to motivate others when it\u2019s authentic.<\/p>\n<p>This works in the opposite way too. You\u2019re going to get more of what you complain about. Focus on the negative, and you\u2019ll notice it all the time. It\u2019ll poison your relationships, all of them: spouse, kids, colleagues, and so on.<\/p>\n<p>It pays to be positive. Notice the good things and affirm them. Call them out. Acknowledging your spouse is huge in terms of reinforcing the behavior and getting more of what you like.<\/p>\n<h3>2. Affirmation shifts your attitude<\/h3>\n<p>Words are powerful tools. They can create, or they can destroy. They can build up or tear down. I believe most people have a desire to align their actions\u2014and their attitudes\u2014with their words. If you start speaking well of someone, you start believing what you say.<\/p>\n<p>Think back to the pastor and his wife I mentioned above. It\u2019s easy to think, \u201cWell, speaking poorly about one another was a symptom of something much deeper.\u201d Absolutely. But if we correct the externals, it can have a big impact on our inner life.<\/p>\n<p>We have a choice as we go through life. We can notice the positive or stew in the negative. If we focus on the positive, it will eventually bring our attitude into alignment.<\/p>\n<h3>3. Affirmation strengthens your spouse\u2019s best qualities<\/h3>\n<p>Encouragement is also a powerful force for good. All of us need positive reinforcement. This is why when we\u2019re working to develop a positive habit or lose some weight, a little encouragement from people who notice can keep us going. This is true in every area of life.<\/p>\n<p>Your spouse has great qualities. If you\u2019re in a rough patch in your marriage, you might have your doubts. But I promise!<\/p>\n<p>Maybe your spouse is really brave in one area. Or kind. Or considerate. Or perseverant. Affirm those qualities, and they\u2019ll only get stronger. Think about what that means: By affirming your spouse, you\u2019re helping them become all they were created to be.<\/p>\n<h3>4. Affirmation wards off temptation<\/h3>\n<p>The <a href=\"http:\/\/michaelhyatt.com\/thinking-about-an-affair-count-the-cost.html\">costs of an affair<\/a> are devastating. Your reputation, family, friendships, job, finances, emotional health, legacy, even your soul\u2014they can all go right out the window.<\/p>\n<p>But when others see you are happily married, they are less likely to proposition you. It\u2019s clear you\u2019re not discontent or trolling, looking for another partner, fling, or whatever.<\/p>\n<p>Affirming your spouse is like a hedge that protects your marriage from would-be predators. It will keep you out of compromising positions. Talk about your spouse publicly, positively, and often. It\u2019s adultery repellent.<\/p>\n<h3>5. Affirmation provides a model to those you lead<\/h3>\n<p>To be a truly effective leader, you must lead yourself, and then you must lead your family. Your marriage is a powerful visual of how you treat the people you value the most.<\/p>\n<p>When you speak highly of your spouse, your followers are more likely to trust you. But if, on the other hand, they hear you complaining about your spouse, guess what they begin to wonder?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\n  I wonder if he complains about me. I wonder if she\u2019s negative about me when I\u2019m not present. If that\u2019s how they treat the people closest to them, I don\u2019t want any part of it.\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>As a result, they hold back. They don\u2019t bring their best effort. But if people see you authentically praising those closest to you, they\u2019ll be more willing to step up. It reinforces your qualities to lead and creates the optimal climate for your leadership.<\/p>\n\t\t<aside class=\"tweetable tweetalign_center\" style=\"width:100%\">\n\t\t\t<blockquote>\n\t\t\t\tYour marriage is a powerful visual of how you treat the people you value the most.<cite>Michael Hyatt<\/cite>\n\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\t\t\t<ul class=\"actions\">\n\t\t\t\t<li class=\"icon-arrow\"><a class=\"icon-twitter\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?source=tweetbutton&text=Your%20marriage%20is%20a%20powerful%20visual%20of%20how%20you%20treat%20the%20people%20you%20value%20the%20most.%20https%3A%2F%2Ffullfocus.co%2F%3Fp%3D9277&via=michaelhyatt\" title=\"Share Quote on Twitter\" target=\"_blank\">Tweet<span> Quote<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/aside>\n<h3>10-day challenge<\/h3>\n<p>To help you really reap the rewards of marriage affirmations, I want to extend a challenge. If you\u2019re not married, you can modify this list as needed. Try this for next 10 days.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Ask your spouse to read this post and then find some time to discuss it.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>Decide together you are going to speak well of one another in public\u2014and in private.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>Don\u2019t try to stop a bad habit. That rarely works. Rather, cultivate a good habit by noticing the positive: the way they look, something they\u2019ve said, or something they\u2019ve done.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>Acknowledge them. Praise them. Thank them. If you don\u2019t know what else to do, start by being grateful\u2014and expressing it.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I would encourage you to keep track of your experience. I\u2019m not talking about a novel. Just keep a daily record of your impressions in a journal or Evernote or wherever you jot such things down.<\/p>\n<p>Looking back, you find that affirming your spouse in public is an investment that pays big leadership dividends. In a world where fewer and fewer marriages last, it can be the difference-maker.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As a leader, the health of your marriage directly affects the impact of your leadership. I have witnessed this time and time again. Being effective at work or in ministry begins by being effective at home. Here&rsquo;s why.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":41957,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[815,235,816,817,199,58],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why Speaking Well of Your Spouse Is So Important<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The health of your marriage directly affects the impact of your leadership. 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