Success stories have a beginning, a middle, and a payoff. We often focus on the difference between the start and the success but I\u2019ll let you in on a secret: The struggle between the two is what\u2019s important.
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As you work to win at any endeavor that truly matters to you, there is going to come a point when you are tempted to quit, give it up, throw in the towel. People think it becomes a compelling story when you push through to reach your destination, and from the outside it probably is. But many who have done this realize the destination wasn\u2019t all that important. On the other side of that and several other hard-won success stories, I can say that success wasn\u2019t the most important part. What really mattered was what happened on the way to making it. Without sufficient rest, nutrition, and exercise, my attitude will sour and I will have fewer resources for managing the challenges. In fact, sometimes a good night\u2019s rest<\/a> can move mountains.<\/p>\n Questions are very powerful tools for improvement. Beware, however, that persistent doubts often masquerade as questions, which can leave one disempowered and depleted. Usually, my wife Gail helps to nudge me in the right direction. But sometimes I also need the counsel of my pastor, a trusted friend, a life coach<\/a>, or even a therapist.
\nMy friend Donald Miller, author of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years<\/a><\/em>, would say this is part of your great \u201cstory arc,\u201d the dramatic outline that nearly every compelling tale\u2014including yours and mine\u2014follows.
\nYou might start off strong with the destination in sight, and you make some progress. Everything seems easy. You are a little surprised but soon become confident and even cocky. \u201cThis isn\u2019t so hard. I\u2019ve got it nailed,\u201d you think.
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\nThen you come to the middle of your story, the obstacles. Things get frustrating. You\u2019re working hard, but treading water at best. You feel trapped by circumstances.
\n\u201cDiscouragement, anger, sadness are all emotions that you might experience when faced with an obstacle. These emotions could dissuade you from attempting to overcome the obstacle,\u201d psychiatrist Karyn Hall warns<\/a> in a recent Psychology Today article.
\nThe dilemma is that you\u2019ve come too far to go back, but you aren\u2019t sure you have enough resources to finish what you started. Do you quit or push forward?<\/p>\nTry, Try Again?<\/h3>\n
\nInstead, what stands out to us is what happened on the journey\u2014which determines how we have changed and what we\u2019ve become.
\nIn the 90s, I owned my own business with a partner. We loved steering our own destiny. We had some initial success. I thought \u201cWe must be pretty good at this\u201d and \u201cThis is a piece of cake.\u201d
\nThen we hit a rough patch.
\nA few big transactions fell through and a few clients fired us. We could still pay our employees, but we had to forego paying ourselves for a long time.
\nOne day I came home from work and told my wife Gail I needed to lay down for a few minutes before dinner. I plopped down on the bed and wanted to cry but couldn\u2019t even get that out. I was too numb for tears.
\nI had a wife, five kids, a mortgage, and a bunch of bills. I wanted to throw in the towel. I felt stuck.
\nWell, I didn\u2019t quit and my partner and I eventually got things unstuck and turned things around. It was hard and took far longer than I hoped, but we had some measure of success.<\/p>\n3-Point Check-up for Success<\/h3>\n
\nFrom all of these struggles, I have devised a regular simple self-checkup to get perspective, which you can use as well:<\/p>\n1. Am I taking care of myself?<\/h4>\n
2. Am I asking the right questions?<\/h4>\n
\nI make it a point to regularly ask constructive questions like these:<\/p>\n\n
3. Who can give me perspective on this?<\/h4>\n
\nThe bottom line is that I need people who aren\u2019t as neck deep in the project as I am to help me step back and see the whole forest.
\nThe older I get, the more I see the need to \u201cstay in the story.\u201d It\u2019s always tempting to throw in the towel when things get tough. But when you do that, you miss the most valuable part of your story\u2014the middle.
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