{"id":40132,"date":"2018-01-30T04:45:33","date_gmt":"2018-01-30T10:45:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/michaelhyatt.com\/?p=40132"},"modified":"2018-01-30T04:45:33","modified_gmt":"2018-01-30T10:45:33","slug":"downside-of-driven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/downside-of-driven\/","title":{"rendered":"The Downside of Drivenness"},"content":{"rendered":"

Good leaders practice the fine art of celebration. Recognizing both team achievement and individual contribution is rocket fuel for morale. Yet for many high achievers, the need to celebrate is a blind spot. Often, they cannot see their own accomplishments or are reluctant to commemorate them. I know this because that was my experience until about ten years ago.<\/p>\n

I had reached a low point in my career (so I thought). I was languishing in a midlevel job (in my estimation), and desperate to make a mark on the world. I voiced that desire to my wife for the hundredth time, ending with, \u201cI just want to succeed at something.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201cYou\u2019ve got to be kidding,\u201d Heather said. \u201cYou were a much-loved pastor, now editorial director at a thriving publishing house. You\u2019ve written three books, your children are flourishing, and your wife is madly in love with you. You\u2019re one of the most successful people I know. Why can\u2019t you see that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Spousal hyperbole aside, she had a point. Given the many good things in my life, why was I focused only on the few that eluded my grasp? Because I, like many who are driven by the urge to achieve, simply couldn\u2019t see the wins. In my mind, the goal not attained was the only one that mattered.<\/p>\n

For many leaders, that nose-to-the-grindstone mentality is a weakness that affects both well-being and future performance. Research confirms that leaders who pause to affirm what\u2019s going well are likely to be healthier and more successful than those who don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re not worthy<\/h3>\n

Driven leaders avoid celebration for three reasons, each having roots in achiever\u2019s psyche. One is that they may feel unworthy of recognition because their achievements seem small or incomplete. Overachievers base their sense of well-being on their competence, according to University of Rochester psychologist Andrew Elliot. As a result, they\u2019re always trying to prove themselves, and always coming up short.<\/p>\n

Overachievers live in the gap between the present and the perfect. That disparity is all they can see. What others perceive as a stunning victory may appear to the achiever as a near miss. Why celebrate when you\u2019re only the second-highest earner in the company?<\/p>\n

A second reason for avoiding celebration is fear of failure, which produces an unrelenting focus on the future. According to psychologist Robert Arkin, overachievers are fearful that any failure will call their competence into question. \u201cRather than setting and striving for goals based on a pure desire to achieve, their underlying motivation impels them out into the world to avoid failure.\u201d As a result, high achievers seldom appreciate the present moment. If they aren\u2019t moving forward, they feel as though they\u2019re falling behind.<\/p>\n

Third, high achievers have incredibly high expectations for others as well as themselves. They may be stingy with praise because they don\u2019t want to communicate that \u201cwe\u2019ve arrived\u201d or \u201cyou can relax now.\u201d They hold their own feet to the fire\u2014and everyone else\u2019s as well.<\/p>\n

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The downside of drivenness<\/h3>\n

Overachievement is generally lauded in our society, so little attention has been given to its negative aspects. However, Arkin draws a parallel between overachievers and underachievers, noting that they share a sense of self-doubt and that \u201ceach has an abnormal investment in the question of self-worth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Because they measure that self-worth by extrinsic measures such as achievement and earnings, high achievers are playing a losing game. There is always one more deal to be closed, one more bonus to be earned, one more deadline to be met. Despite their many accomplishments, they experience more stress than satisfaction. The ironic result of their heroic effort is lower self-esteem and a nagging feeling of incompetence.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, there\u2019s an antidote to this toxic brew of high expectations and constant anxiety: celebration.<\/p>\n

Slow down to speed up<\/h3>\n

The simple \u201cability to notice, appreciate, and savor the elements of one\u2019s life\u201d is a crucial determinant of well-being according to Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough. Their study concluded that those who practice gratitude by focusing on their \u201cblessings\u201d rather than their \u201cburdens\u201d enjoy increased wellness and greater psychological, social, and spiritual resources.<\/p>\n

When we substitute \u201cachievements\u201d and \u201cfailures\u201d for \u201cblessings\u201d and \u201cburdens,\u201d it appears that those who take time to appreciate what they have already produced will have a greater sense of self-worth than those who do not. Celebration is the ideal treatment for the unrelenting stress of perfectionism.<\/p>\n\t\t