In the long term, differences are precisely what you need. They can add richness, depth, and texture to your marriage if you embrace them. As someone who married a woman who is very different from me, let me share three ways that we learned to navigate our differences.<\/p>\n
1. Identify your differences<\/h3>\n
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You know you are different than your spouse, but that is not enough. I am talking about more specificity. In what ways are you different? For example, Gail and I are the exact opposite on the Myers-Briggs. I am an INFJ. She is an ESTP. This means:<\/p>\n
- \n
- We approach the world differently. I prefer introversion; she prefers extroversion.<\/li>\n
- We gather information differently. I prefer intuition; she prefers sensing.<\/li>\n
- We make decisions differently. I prefer feeling; she prefers thinking.<\/li>\n
- We approach structure differently. I prefer judging; she prefers perceiving.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
And that's not the end of our differences. According to the StrengthsFinder test, we have completely different strengths. My top-five are:<\/p>\n
- \n
- Achiever<\/li>\n
- Intellection<\/li>\n
- Strategic<\/li>\n
- Futuristic<\/li>\n
- Relator<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Gail\u2019s top-five are:<\/p>\n
- \n
- Positivity<\/li>\n
- Woo<\/li>\n
- Developer<\/li>\n
- Connectedness<\/li>\n
- Adaptability<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
From these tests\u2014and forty years of observing her\u2014I know the specific ways that we are different.<\/p>\n
2. Acknowledge your differences<\/h3>\n
It\u2019s not enough to identify your differences and then file away what you\u2019ve observed. No, you must acknowledge these\u2014and celebrate them\u2014in real time.<\/p>\n
Let me give you a practical example. As an extrovert, Gail draws her energy from being with people. As an introvert, people can wear me out. I prefer being alone.<\/p>\n
But because we love one another, we make sure that we help the other person get what they need. Recently, we went to a dinner party. I would have preferred to stay home and read, but I know Gail needs to connect with others to remain emotionally healthy. (And I need it too; I just don\u2019t always recognize the need.)<\/p>\n\t\t