{"id":38813,"date":"2017-11-14T04:45:15","date_gmt":"2017-11-14T10:45:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/michaelhyatt.com\/?p=38813"},"modified":"2017-11-14T04:45:15","modified_gmt":"2017-11-14T10:45:15","slug":"confrontation-physiology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/confrontation-physiology\/","title":{"rendered":"When Conflict is Brewing"},"content":{"rendered":"

How do you feel when there\u2019s a difficult conversation brewing at work that you won\u2019t be able to duck? Unless you\u2019re a sociopath, the answer is usually \u201cnot good.\u201d<\/p>\n

Most of us know the ill effects of dreaded discussions. A brewing conflict will make you more distracted and irritable, which has knock-on physical effects, which makes you even more distracted and irritable. And woe to family members, friends, and coworkers who catch you off guard when you\u2019re in that horrible headspace.<\/p>\n

When conflict is brewing, so is the acid in your suddenly gurgly stomach. You are more prone to indigestion, gut pain, and poor bathroom outcomes. Your heart beats faster. Researchers from the University of Amsterdam found<\/a> this stress produces “incident mild hypertension” with effects that can be measured for several days. Any natural tremors or nervous tics that you have get dialed up several notches.<\/p>\n

It also hurts your sleep. Your rest is less restful, when you can get it. But mostly you toss and turn and agonize. The sleep deprivation is no small thing. Dr. Joyce Walsleben is the former director of Bellevue Hospital\u2019s Sleep Disorder Center. \u201cMood and sleep use the same neurotransmitters,\u201d she told<\/a> the Atlantic<\/em>. That makes it \u201cvery hard to tell if someone has sleep loss or depression.\u201d Other nasty effects of short-term sleep deprivation include memory impairment, mood swings, dullness, fatigue, even hallucinations. Sleep time is the time when you recover from the stresses of life. Take that away and brain and body suffer a little more every day.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Many folks tackle the alertness problem by adding lots of caffeine, but it\u2019s a poor substitute for sleep that can exacerbate those things that are already making you feel miserable\u2014chiefly, your pulse rate, jitteriness, and digestive issues. And while caffeine can heighten your alertness for a brief time, if you try to extend that it only wears you down.<\/p>\n

The rapper Eminem captures in a few deft words how many of us feel when a difficult conversation is almost here. The poor guy\u2019s \u201cpalms are sweaty \/ knees weak \/ arms are heavy\u201d and the queasiness has already produced unfortunate results \u201con his sweater already \/ mom\u2019s spaghetti.\u201d<\/p>\n

Why are we so bad at this? The authors of the most popular book on this subject, Crucial Conversations<\/em><\/a>, speculate that it\u2019s because \u201cwe\u2019re designed wrong.” \u201cCountless generations of genetic shaping drive humans to handle crucial conversations with flying fists and fleet feet, not intelligent persuasion and gentle attentiveness,\u201d they write.<\/p>\n

Crucial Conversations<\/em> offers up all kinds of suggestions for how to navigate these thorny conversations, many of which are worth following. But the sheer number of suggestions and strategies shows just how ingrained our fight-or-flight instincts are. Heated words have often led to heated actions. Our brains and bodies know and fear this, and the processes they use to cope take away from the control and concentration we need to reason together.<\/p>\n\t\t