The Ashley Madison hack has spurred a lot of talk about adultery. An untold number of its clients have already resigned jobs or been served divorce papers. A few have even committed suicide.<\/p>\n\n
Several years ago a friend of mine had an affair. It was like dropping an atomic bomb in his life. He lost his wife, his kids, his home, his friends, and more.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s impossible to fully appreciate the devastation caused by his decision\u2014people are still hurting years later. But counting the cost of infidelity is something we should all do.<\/p>\n\n
We can justify anything if we try hard enough, right? But the only way to justify adultery is closing our eyes to the terrible costs it exacts in our lives and the lives of those closest to us.<\/p>\n
We can all do the math for ourselves, but by my counting there are at least eight major reasons to run, not walk, from infidelity.<\/p>\n
No one\u2019s handing out scarlet A<\/em>\u2019s today, but people will find out, and they will not forget\u2014even if some are gracious enough to forgive.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n Depending on company policy, you could get the axe in all sorts of other job environments, too\u2014especially if you\u2019re having an affair with a subordinate. You might as well update your resum\u00e9 right now. Even Ashley Madison\u2019s CEO is on the street<\/a> after the hack and news of his own affairs.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n It\u2019ll cost you money.<\/strong> The bad thing about losing your job is that affairs are expensive. Secrecy and coverups come at a price<\/a>\u2014a couple thousand dollars, easy. But it won\u2019t end there.<\/p>\n Divorce lawyers aren\u2019t cheap. If it\u2019s contested, and it probably will be, plan on fifteen or twenty thousand<\/a> down the drain\u2014along with roughly half your assets. And don\u2019t forget alimony and child support.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n It\u2019ll probably cost your family.<\/strong> Two thirds of marriages<\/a> are toast after an affair, and most of those that survive take years of repentance, forgiveness, counseling, and healing to find any sort of restoration. Betrayal is a hard thing to overcome.<\/p>\n The same goes for kids. If you have children, they\u2019ll be confused and hurt by your betrayal. Kids suffer special difficulty in cases of infidelity because they\u2019re usually stuck in the middle, holding a burden<\/a> no one should have to carry.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n It\u2019ll cost you friendships.<\/strong> Betrayal hurts all relationships, not just families. Don\u2019t be surprised if close friends pull away when news of your adultery gets out\u2014which it will.<\/p>\n Some will take the side of your spouse. Some will feel so angry and frustrated they can\u2019t stand to be around you. Others will find your new reality just plain awkward\u2014especially if you insist your friends accept any relationships that comes out of your affair. Some will stay, many will not.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n It\u2019ll cost you your emotional health.<\/strong> People start affairs because they get an emotional charge out of a new relationship. It doesn\u2019t last, and the fallout is almost always emotionally damaging. The average affair lasts about six months<\/a>, but the negative effects can last a lot longer.<\/p>\n The strain of keeping secrets and maybe losing an entire life can be unbearable. \u201cThe person confessing to an infidelity experiences the full gamut,\u201d says Pam Gerhardt<\/a>: \u201cguilt, self-loathing. . . . Leading a double life can become increasingly difficult for people engaged in affairs.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/li>\n It\u2019ll cost your legacy.<\/strong> If the average affair lasts just six months, are you willing to trade that for the kind of things you grandchildren will say about you?<\/p>\n How will you be remembered when you\u2019re gone, someone who loved and cherished his family\u2014or a disappointment? Do you want to be remembered as a person who loved his wife and was faithful to his family\u2014or as the one who squandered his legacy in a moment of indiscretion? Now\u2019s the time to answer those questions.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n It might even cost your soul.<\/strong> I don\u2019t need to go too far into this. If you\u2019re a Christian, you know adultery represents a serious spiritual peril. Betrayal, as I\u2019ve said before<\/a>, is the original sin, and it wreaks havoc in our hearts.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n As I\u2019ve also said before, adultery is not normal and it certainly isn\u2019t inevitable. God made us for fidelity. But we live in a fallen world, and we can\u2019t afford to be naive. Nothing will destroy our life and legacy faster than an affair. We must count the cost.<\/p>\n\t\t