using hurtful words against ourselves<\/a>. It\u2019s easy to think we\u2019re immune from this, but that\u2019s probably because we don\u2019t realize how often we do it.<\/p>\nAnother way is forfeiting power with our words. We frequently use words and phrases that undermine the strength of our statements. There might be good strategic reasons for using these words from time to time. But when we use them unthinkingly from habit, they not only damage our credibility, they also impair our efforts.<\/p>\n
Here are three ways we give up power with words:<\/p>\n
1. We Undermine Our Own Authority<\/h3>\n
How often do we couch our statements with nonassertive or supposedly humble lines like, \u201cI\u2019m no expert,\u201d or \u201cI not prepared to say anything, but\u2026\u201d?<\/p>\n
I hear people do this all the time, and I\u2019ve done it too, plenty. But this is just like handing over the keys to whatever authority we possess in that moment.<\/p>\n
I know why we say these things. For one, they\u2019re usually true. They also make us feel comfortable. By lowering the expectation of the audience, we lower the stress we feel in addressing them. But we don\u2019t have to admit something just because it\u2019s true or because it feels good\u2014especially if it undermines us.<\/p>\n
Using phrases like this gives our listeners and readers permission to check out and pay attention to someone whose words are more interesting, relevant, and useful than our own. How do they know our statements are uninteresting, irrelevant, or useless? Because we inadvertently told them so.<\/p>\n
2. We Hedge Our Statements<\/h3>\n
If the world had a surplus of only one thing, it would be opinions. We\u2019re drowning in them.<\/p>\n
But some opinions are worth more than others. And one way we can unintentionally discount our own is to hedge and qualify them with phrases like \u201cI think,\u201d \u201cI suppose,\u201d or \u201cThis is only my opinion.\u201d It\u2019s like saying, \u201cFeel free to disregard everything I just said.\u201d<\/p>\n
There might be moments where these phrases are appropriate. But as with No. 1, if we have anything worth saying, we shouldn\u2019t prejudice our audience against it. And usually that\u2019s what we\u2019re doing when we hedge our statements. It\u2019s like tagging our statements unimportant.<\/em><\/p>\n3. We Give Ourselves an Out<\/h3>\n
When we agree to a commitment by saying, \u201cI\u2019ll try\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll give it my best shot,\u201d we\u2019re saying the opposite. At least that\u2019s what people usually hear.<\/p>\n
The problem is that it not only undermines our credibility, it also lowers the chance we\u2019ll make good on the commitment because it\u2019s a subtle denial of our own agency.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve sat in business reviews and heard executives and division leaders who faced very similar challenges. And I could tell you from their words who would pull it out and who wouldn\u2019t. If one said \u201cI\u2019ll try,\u201d the odds were almost certain he wouldn\u2019t make it. On the other hand, someone who said \u201cI\u2019ll make it happen\u201d usually would\u2014or come very close. Why?<\/p>\n
There\u2019s nothing riding on the first statement. The second we say \u201cI\u2019ll try,\u201d we\u2019ve effectively done all that\u2019s required. There\u2019s no real commitment involved besides making the sounds, and without commitment our heart isn\u2019t in the effort.<\/p>\n\t\t