{"id":28524,"date":"2015-02-06T05:00:19","date_gmt":"2015-02-06T11:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/michaelhyatt.com\/?p=28524"},"modified":"2015-02-06T05:00:19","modified_gmt":"2015-02-06T11:00:19","slug":"donald-miller-scary-close","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fullfocus.co\/donald-miller-scary-close\/","title":{"rendered":"What I Learned from Donald Miller about Being Brave"},"content":{"rendered":"

Donald Miller\u2019s newest book, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy<\/a><\/em>, is out and off to a great start. I can see why. It\u2019s his best book so far.<\/p>\n\n

I\u2019ve known Don for over a decade. He was one of our bestselling authors at Thomas Nelson, during the time I was publisher, president, and later CEO. But more than an author, over time he also became a friend\u2014and a teacher.<\/p>\n

Don told us about his relationship with God in Blue Like Jazz<\/a><\/em>, which went on to become a huge success. Now, Don tells us about his relationship with relationships. And I hope it becomes a huge success too.<\/p>\n

Why? Full of the personal revelations and humor he\u2019s best known for, Scary Close<\/em> is about learning to base our relationships on honesty instead of positioning and performance. And whatever we think about the strength of our relationships, there\u2019s a lot to gain from Don\u2019s journey.<\/p>\n

I especially see how his insights apply to leaders and platform-builders. Seriously, is anyone more prone to positioning and performance than us? Here are three powerful truths Scary Close<\/em> can teach us.<\/p>\n

1. Shame Has More Power over Us Than We Realize<\/h3>\n

Somewhere in our lives we experience enough criticism or social pressure to believe that we don\u2019t measure up. So we create a fa\u00e7ade. If we can\u2019t be worthy, we think, then at least our act<\/em> can be worthy. Then when our act starts getting applause and validation, we learn to pass that off like it\u2019s the real us.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know about you, but I\u2019ve certainly done this. Don did too. It took a counselor to show him that people cannot connect with an act, even if it\u2019s one as good as his.<\/p>\n

Don says shame drives this whole process. We feel as if we have nothing to offer, we\u2019re not good enough, or whatever version of that story we tell ourselves. To overcome that shame and the limits that come with it, we adopt a persona we hope will win approval and help us accomplish our goals.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen leaders and bloggers do a lot of this. I\u2019ve also seen that it\u2019s unsustainable. In the case of Don it was crippling. He couldn\u2019t maintain relationships, and his writing stalled.<\/p>\n

2. Being Open Is Better Than Being Careful<\/h3>\n

This act is meant to protect ourselves, but Don discovered when he dropped the act people could finally connect with him and he could connect with them.<\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t that risky? Doesn\u2019t that open ourselves up to getting hurt or rejected? Absolutely. But if you know anything about my approach to risk<\/a>, you know that nothing good comes from staying inside our comfort zones<\/a>. It\u2019s when we venture outside that we find meaning, joy, and fulfillment.<\/p>\n

Scary Close<\/em> offers several examples of this in action, but one sticks with me. Don opened himself up on his Storyline blog<\/a> to some significant criticism. Instead of retreating, he leaned into the discomfort and found the honesty liberating.<\/p>\n

The new freedom unleashed his productivity. He started writing again\u2014a lot. His blog traffic exploded along with his increased output. He even drafted a new book in just four months. That\u2019s when Don decided it was better to be open than careful.<\/p>\n

3. There are More Lifeguards Than Sharks<\/h3>\n

Criticism can make us afraid. If were a leader with a vision to share or blogger with something to say, it\u2019s very easy to take criticism to heart and dial back our determination. But the real scandal is that we sometimes retreat before<\/em> the darts start flying.<\/p>\n

Sometimes all it takes is anticipating a negative reaction and we torque back our initiatives or soften our words.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m guilty of that, but as Don says, \u201cFor the most part, others aren\u2019t out to get us.\u201d We just need to step out and jump in the water knowing that their are more lifeguards than sharks. When we \u201cdive into the unknown,\u201d he says, \u201cthere [a]re very real dangers, but mostly rewards.\u201d<\/p>\n

This is similar to perceived scarcity and outrageous abundance<\/a>. The world is richer and more welcoming than we know. But to protect ourselves from disappointment, we choose to disbelieve that. It\u2019s hard to have our hopes dashed when we don\u2019t hope for much.<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s a debilitating way to look at the world.<\/p>\n\t\t